In 2012, I lost a love that lives through my son (my son’s father). Nelson F. Napa, we met in High School. We were teen parents. It was by far from ideal; over the years we grew up with the hopes of having our families together to watch our son grow. Circumstances and drama took over our hopes. It shattered the idealistic and festered toxicity. If I knew what I know now; I would have not allowed for any of it to play out the way it did. When I received the call that he had passed my heart sunk, I couldn’t even gather the words to explain to our son.
Trying to grapple with words for myself to understand how this was all possible. I wanted nothing more than to talk with Nelson and ask him why. I wanted someone to guide me through this tragedy. I felt guilty, I felt afraid for our son, and I was overwhelmed with the thought of how he died. He committed suicide.
Throughout my life and in my culture I have heard countless times “only a coward would do such a thing,” it was a “shameful” way to leave this earth... I’m sure many of you have experienced a conversation of such caliber. I refused to believe he was a coward, And I turned my back to the thought that his death was a shame.
I dedicated the next seven years of my life to helping those in need, addressing mental health concerns, and advocated for the basic needs of individuals with disadvantaged backgrounds. I wanted to learn “why”, I wanted nothing more than to understand why a society/ world that I love so much can be so unkind, to a soul that we knew nothing of the mental weight they carried and how.
There were countless cases in my caseload in where suicide was attempted. I had many hours of training, mentor ship, and guidance from those very students and professionals. I chose to help and advocate to the best of my ability as I grieved and was determined to understand.
As a society and a community we put a damper, a silence, and a muzzle on mental health. When addressing basic needs for communities, mental health must be on the list. We can not thrive with success as individuals if our society does not recognize mental health as a major factor in our success.
I have learned so much through my journey and I was able to change the narrative on basic needs and mental health for a community through my experiences over the years:
💚We can not say we love each other if we are not willing to understand mental health. It plays a major role on how successful our journey will be.
💚We can not say “the impoverished can be successful if they want to,” because mental health and basic needs are at the fore front of those success rates.
💚We can not say “what a shame they committed suicide” because suicide is not a wrong or foolish behavior.
💚We must change the self-talk, the narrative, and our very own mindset.
💚We are here to leave this place better than how we found it. Including those that cross our paths.
💚We are here to love each other unconditionally and attempt to fulfill our purpose on this earth with our village support.
💚We can do this by understanding mental health, by loving ourselves and others, by being kind, and above all educate our future; instilling in them today that mental health is just as important as having water every day.
On this day 8 years ago, my heart sunk the deepest I have ever felt. I couldn’t find the words to explain my heartache, I was afraid for my son, and felt alone for the first time in a very long time. Today I write to you from a place of love, experience, and hope for our communities. I have created a campaign to raise awareness on Mental Health; you can help by reposting this message and changing the narrative and/or by purchasing a t-shirt for yourself, loved one, or a neighbor. A portion of the proceeds will go to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) and the Jed Foundation. https://www.bonfire.com/store/inspre-change/
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“We need to beef up our mental-health system: we are not training enough clinicians, not getting enough clinics built across the country… We need preventive public-health initiatives on managing depression and anxiety in the pre-crisis stage. Every school should have approach--but so should every employer and small town.”
Victor Schwartz, Chief Medical Officer at The JED Foundation
Quoted in “Anthony Bourdain, Kate Spade, and the Preventable Tragedies of Suicide”
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